1.”We will do it” means” You will do it”
2.”You have done a great job” means” More work will be given toyou”
3.”We are working on it” means” We have not yet started working it”
4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means” Its not getting done ,At least not till tomorrow!”.
5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means” I have already decided, I will tell you what to do.
6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means” We lied”
7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means” I have no time to talk now”
8.”We can always do it” means” We cannot do it on time”
9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “We screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means” We fought”
11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means” find a way out yourself, no help from me”
12.”You should have told me earlier” means” Well even if you told me earlier that would not have mattered!”
13.”We need to find out the real reason” means” I will tell you where your fault is”
14.”Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means,” You are not going home unless you finish your job”
15.”We are a team,” means,” Everybody shares the blame”
16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”
17.”All the Best” means” You are in trouble”
Believe it or not, a man in Mizoram has 39 wives, 94 children and 33 grandchildren -- all living together under one roof in a picturesque village about 100 km from Baktawng in the north of the state.
The head of the family and leader of the "Chana" sect -- which allows polygamy -- is 66-year-old Ziona Chana who lives with his family in a 100-room, four-storyed house named ''Chhuan That Run'' or the House of the New Generation.
Though all of Ziona''s family members live in different rooms in the building, they all share the kitchen where they cook for the entire family.
"Today I feel like God''s special child. He''s given me so many people to look after. I consider myself a lucky man to be the husband of 39 women and head of the world''s largest family," says Ziona.
The sect believes in "Kum Sang Rorel" or the rule of 1,000 years by Jesus Christ on Earth as foretold in Bible''s Revelation Chapter 20 and that they would be soon ruling the world with Christ.
Previously known as Khuangtuaha Pawl, the sect was formed on June 12, 1942, after the followers of Khuangtuaha were evicted from Hmawngkawn village by the village chief for propagating "wrong and dangerous" theology.
The sect, till date, celebrates the "Bawkte Kut" or the festival of the hut on June 12 every year to commemorate the formal formation of the sect
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Heck and Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Golfing 3.6.
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, Troubled User…..
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainmentprogram. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate softwareaugmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch theprogram Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
If you were to explain to someone how the web browser works, this wonderful comic strip from Vlad Gerasimov should come handy.
The user, seen here as the king, orders the browser to fetch a website who goes around negotiating with firewalls, talking to DNS servers and hosts (the wise owls) to get that site.
If you think the only way to repair your wet phone is to take it to the repair shop, think again!
Take out the battery:
That’s the first thing you should do. If you are out in the rain, don’t switch off your cellphone, but shield it from the rain. Instead of keeping it in the pocket of your jeans, keep it in a safe corner of your bag. Once you reach a dry place make sure that you switch your cellphone off.
Take out the SIM card:
Taking out the SIM card is important as it is a part of the circuit. Therefore it’s very important to keep it safe.
Dry it with a cloth: You have to make sure that all the moisture is out. To do so, take a dry piece of cloth and tap the phone dry. You could also place it in the open for a few days. But that will take time and could be inconvenient if you don’t have a spare phone.
The rice trick: Take a bowl of uncooked rice and leave your phone in it for a few hours and then keep it on a dry cloth. Rice is the most easily available desiccant and can be used.
Don’t use the hair dryer:
You will end up damaging your phone if you use a hair dryer.
At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by
jumping out of the car and never looking back..
When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.
When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.
When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.
When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
